So, here I am after too long not blogging. What can I say? Things are strange. Things are stressful. Things change so fast and there’s no time to reflect. Either go with the flow or get left behind. So much has happened to me in the last year that I can’t expound on it fully. Suffice it to say, this roller coaster is rocketing through the corkscrews now after reaching top, exhilarating speed. I’ve got my arms thrown up and I’m screaming in abandonment! [yes, this is a good thang…snap photo here].
After what feels like financial ruin, nerves frazzled to the breaking point, and a laissez faire attitude about my job…you know, life in general right now…I might have just reached an oasis of calm. A truly happy place that allows me to prioritize, fight back, and gain strength. A place in my life that I have been waiting and praying for for 20 years. You guessed it: Love has found me again. Not that I haven’t loved in the last 20 years; I have. Just not this all-encompassing, life-changing, future-enhancing kind that blows the boundaries off the being “in love” stage of romance. Ya know…the Real Shit. The shit that comes after the fantasy stage. When you know the person is really compatible for a future life together. When you know he will nuture you and give to you the same way you nurture him and give to him. When you know the choices you make to love him are the same choices he’s making to love you. Nothing is covert, nothing is taken for granted. It just fits. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt this. I have had facsimiles, to be sure, and good relationships, no doubt, and beautiful children as a result. Self-awareness, life-learning, and hope have all abound…but not to this extent. Passion and sexual fulfillment, yes, those too. But what happens to a woman when she’s had all those things to the nth degree, but didn’t actually have them with “the one” she’s supposed to be with? I think you end up with a whole woman, such as I am, recognizing in her partner the same. Guess now I’m whole. And I probably wouldn’t have felt this way till now. Right now. At this very moment of my life. Go figure.
So. Be happy for me, world. I deserve it. And so does everyone. If I were to give everyone on the planet a gift, it would be this: your own personal calm.
Does this mean I’ll be blogging more? Gawd, I hope so! Do I want to continue the same underlying themes, like computers, Windows and web applications? Hmm, I just don’t know for sure. I’d been thinking I was doing pretty good at personal as well as functional, but I’ll have to search my soul awhile. What do you think? Leave a comment, I’ll listen. I’ll see what kind of hits I get and from whence they come…Facebook is growing by leaps and bounds right now. Lots of integration through 30 Boxes as well. Till then, be happy. 🙂